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For some, the fact that Anthony Weiner exercised terrible judgment, humiliated himself, and potentially hurt the Democratic Party is all that matters.Others are more impressed with how his behavior reflects the overarching pathology of the male ego, especially those of politicians and public figures. Some people, however, are genuinely curious about the deeper psychological reasons that a successful man like Weiner who is married to a beautiful dynamo of a woman would risk his career to compulsively engage in the most superficial erotic repartee with women he doesn't know and with whom he would never consider having a real relationship.Such a person might gravitate toward situations and fantasies in which he or she is an object of desire, on display exciting others.What could counteract feelings of inferiority or invisibility better than strutting your stuff and arousing others?In the course of growing up, to the extent that boys have to deny their identifications with and dependency on their mothers in order to separate and become "masculine," they end up cut off from their inner lives and averse to feelings of dependency. The safety of anonymous Internet relationships temporarily relieves the resulting suffering. Men still crave intimacy but fear that gratifying this craving will enmesh them in dependent relationships with women they can't satisfy or make happy and to whom they'll invariably surrender their autonomy and give more than they get.Objectifying themselves and women temporarily solves this problem.A man I treated who was secretly worried about draining or burdening women with his needs fixated on large breasts, experiencing them as a symbolic marker for a woman who has a lot to give and enjoys giving it.A woman I treated who was attractive and confident in her own right gained a similar reassurance from the height and size of the men to whom she was attracted.
Despite Freud's dictum, sexual preferences and fantasies, not dreams, are the royal road to the unconscious mind.
The deeper appeal lies in three areas unique to the digital world: First, the man enjoys connections with lots of (in this case) women.
His barriers to connectedness are thus overcome and his loneliness is temporarily alleviated. And in a relationship between objects, no one is truly dependent, dissatisfied, or unhappy.
And third, the women with whom a man corresponds, and the sexual scripts he most highly prefers, can be selected for and are under the man's relative control.
If the other person doesn't "fit the bill" and doesn't want to play in the prescribed ways, that connection can be deleted and another, more appropriate, one is available to take its place.They reassure us that we're safe from and free of those thoughts and feelings that imperil our sexual desire.This formula is not obvious because its logic is unconscious.Based on decades of both research and clinical experience in treating sexually based anxieties, inhibitions, and compulsions in men, I think I can explain some of the deeper motivations involved.